


Viral

by coldwarqueer



Series: Do Not Feed The Dead [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombies, Angst, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 17:25:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4754843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldwarqueer/pseuds/coldwarqueer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” Felix said, taking the cigarette between his fingers. It tasted stale. He didn’t know how Locus could stand them. “I just-” He choked back words, and closed his eyes. He threaded a hand through his hair, balling up his fist against his forehead.</p><p>“I just wanted to love someone who stayed alive.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Viral

_“Why do you kill everything you touch, Felix?”_

Felix cried into his pillow, still feeling small under his father’s shouting and anger. There had been so much anger as he’d held up the lifeless body of the poor bird. He hadn’t meant to kill it, he had only wanted to hold it the way he often saw his father holding it.

He cried until he fell asleep, waking at an odd hour and wiping at his raw eyes. He tiptoed downstairs, until he could reach up on the kitchen counter and find the phone. He sat curled against the wall as it rang, until the familiar voice of his mother picked up, “Hello?”

“Mom?” he said, quiet. He could hear his father watching television in the living room, and he knew he would get yelled at for being up so late.

“Felix? Sweetie, it’s late, you need to be in bed now.”

“I know,” he said, looking over his shoulder. “I got sad. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Honey, you know it’s expensive for the landline to call this far away, and-”

“But I wanted to talk to you,” Felix interrupted, switching the phone to his other ear. “Please, mom?”

“We can’t just talk at any point now, okay? You need to tell your dad whenever you want to call. Things are different now.” She sounded tired, and exasperated.

“When do I get to come visit again?” Felix asked, voice quiet. His parents recent divorce had left him aching for his mother’s attention, since she had uprooted herself to several states away. “I really like it there.”

“You need to talk to your dad, okay, honey?”

But he was so tired of talking to his dad.

Felix tried to hold back a few more tears, sniffling into the phone and setting it down for a moment. He tensed when he heard his name called, and looked up to the doorway where his father was standing.

His father sighed and leaned down to take the phone, and held it to his ear. “I’m sorry about Felix. Yes. Yes, of course. Look, we’ll talk in a couple days. How does Saturday evening work for you? Alright.”

The phone was hung up and Felix hugged his knees, waiting to be yelled at. When his father reached down to pick him up and carry him he turned into the embrace, a shaky whimper leaving him. “Sorry, Dad.”

“I know you miss her. It’s okay to be sad. I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier. I was just upset.”

Felix still couldn’t help but think about the words spewed at him and how, now, he was touching his father. The horrible mental images skewed his thought process, and formed a pit of anxiety in his gut. “It’s okay, dad.”

* * *

“Did you tell your dad about the tongue piercing?”

“Are you kidding? He’d fucking kill me.” Felix was packing his piece, sitting crosslegged opposite the neighbor girl in his father’s two car garage.

“At least you’re not lisping. Is it good for blowjobs? That’s hot.” Kaikaina reached for the pipe, plucking it out of Felix’s hands and snatching his lighter.

“Hey-”

“Guest gets the first hit,” Kai told him, taking a big huff and passing back the piece. “How was college anyway?”

“Sucked a lot of dick, smoked a lot of weed. Uh… sometimes I went to lectures. Lectures for art classes, can you believe that?”

“Hey, mister monologue, it’s a piece, not a mic. Take a hit.”

Despite being annoyed at being told to rush his own smoking, Felix took a hit and passed it along, tilting his head back to let the smoke billow out. “I mean, shit, I had to take art history but at least that was interesting. Sometimes I got to draw naked people.”

“That’s hot,” Kai laughed between coughs. She passed the pipe back. “Wanna smoke a couple more bowls and go get frisky at the park?”

Felix watched with a wide smile as Kai was already shucking off her pants, revealing the boyshorts she was wearing underneath. He was more than happy to comply, caching the bowl and starting to stuff another.

Two more bowls and the idea of retreating to the park had been abandoned. Felix and Kai were already kissing and pulling at each other, until Felix’s pants were off and Kai was in nothing but her tank top.

“Did you hear that?” Felix asked, pulling away from their intense makeout session to turn to the door that lead into the house. He could hear rattling and thumping from inside. “Shit, that’s my dad…”

“I thought he wasn’t home.” Kai was already grabbing her pants and yanking a tank top over her head as Felix pulled the garage door open halfway to air out the weed.

“Yeah, I thought that too,” Felix snapped, grabbing the convenient body spray out of his bag and starting to spray everything down. “My dad is gonna kill me-”

He was interrupted by a groaning and a thunk from the other side of the door that lead to the house. He was nervous as he approached, trying to make sure nothing looked too suspicious. “I’m in here, dad,” he called as he opened the door.

Felix didn’t get a chance to react as the corpse of his father, teeth gnashing, fell on top of him. He shrieked as the monster grabbed his arm and sunk its teeth into him, only for him to kick it off and squirm away.

Kaikaina was shouting as Felix clutched his arm and kicked away, floundering on the garage floor until he was able to fall over a toolbox. “Use the flathead!” Kai shouted as Felix started groping for a weapon. He had a split second to grab the screwdriver when the beast that used to be his father grabbed at his leg and started gnawing on his foot.

Felix kicked it off, until he could lurch forward and get a good stab in. The monster kept growling and screeching at him, spitting blood and saliva at his face as he repeatedly struck its chest with the tool.

“Go for the head! You’re supposed to destroy the brain!”

There was no energy in Felix to tell Kai to shut the fuck up as he finally stabbed the screwdriver into the zombie’s eye socket, leaving him to scramble away, pushing back against the nearest wall.

When the monster finally went down Kai sat against the the table saw, her head falling against the table. She stared at him with wide eyes, until she honed in on the bite. “Shit man, you got bit.”

Felix was still recovering, staring in shock at his father, turned monster, giving its final, dying twitches. His father’s jaw lay broken and distended, body twisted and mangled from where Felix had tossed him off. He didn't even think about the bite on his arm as he shook, breaths shaky, and stared at the screwdriver sticking out of its eye. “I’m a murderer.”

“Murder? That was a fucking zombie! Shit, you’re really bleeding.” Kai reached for a nearby hand towel that had been haphazardly thrown to the side and tossed it to Felix. Whatever she wanted him to do with it was lost on him. “If this is the zombie apocalypse you better be careful, bites turn you.”

“This isn’t a fucking movie, Kai!” Felix was angry then, face flushing red and regaining some of the color he had lost. “I mean, shit, my dad is dead- and- and…”

“Just take care of your arm- I have to go. I need to check on my brother.”

She left him sitting in the garage as she ducked under the garage door. Felix pulled his knees up and curled in on himself, still shaking, until finally a few tears escaped him. He choked on the smell of blood. He covered his mouth, only to realize his hands had blood on them.

* * *

Felix stared at the contents of his backpack, heaving a sigh at the barren sight. A couple cans of chili, some chips that were no doubt dust, two bottles of water, and a pack of cigarettes. Though the cigarettes were good for trading, Felix didn’t care for how they were still taking up space in his backpack. He picked out a water bottle and stared into the woods as he cracked it open where he sat on an old stump. Felix would have liked to think that he could conserve his resources. But he had also thought that a week before when he had three times the supplies.

Felix could hear the sounds of the shambling dead wandering around in the woods ahead of him. He took one last drink before he put his water bottle into his pack. He had a long way to go before he could properly sit down and take care of himself.

After several weeks of trial and error, of surviving as best he could, Felix was becoming run down.

Nowhere was safe from the dead. The virus had struck everyone, any place imaginable. Felix had heard rumors of compounds and safehouses, but he hadn’t found any real leads of where to find them. All he could do was survive and hope.

Felix picked at the scab on his arm, left over from his father’s bite. He had come across countless people who had been bitten, and always turned. He didn’t know why he hadn’t, but he was hoping his seeming immunity stayed strong.

Hearing movement behind him, Felix grabbed the baseball bat and lifted it, ready to hit until he saw a man coming out of the foliage with his hands up. “Don’t swing. I’m alive.”

“Not for long,” Felix said. He was rather distrustful of any wayward souls like himself. A desperate human could be a violent thing, more violent than anything else Felix could encounter.

“Chill out.” The man lowered his hands, and Felix watched him look to his backpack. Felix didn’t let his grip slack. “Got any water?”

“None to share,” Felix huffed out, the hitch in his breath betraying the nervousness he felt.

“Hey.” The man held his hands out, showing no weapons. “I’ve got a small group. Three people, including me. You can come with us, we’ve got some extra water and food. What’s your name?”

Felix paused, still holding the bat. He weighed his options. They were starvation and zombies. His only chance was this man’s offer, and he knew it. “Felix,” he said, “But you lead the way. I’ll walk behind.”

* * *

Felix didn’t do well in groups. He found that out the hard way, after getting fed up and running off with supplies. He thought stealing would be enough, but the next group dogged him.

The worst thing about shooting zombies was the blood and the risk of infection. The worst thing about shooting humans was the lack of guilt he felt.

Every bullet felt more of a waste than the last. Every successful seduction and robbery was a chore at that point. After months, he was just annoyed by everyone’s gullibility in believing the best of humanity. Too many times had he come across starving loners who begged him for food and water, people who hadn’t seen a living human in weeks or perhaps months- and too many times he had raised his gun without mercy.

There were many groups he liked. Some partners he found enjoyable. But at the end of the road, they were just another long con, and boy did Felix like his long cons. No amount of sex, water, or shooting off zombies’ heads could amount to the rush he felt when he stripped a group of all their supplies, and left them with bullets between their eyes.

Of course, his calculated decisions didn’t mean there wasn’t often a trigger for his betrayal.

“We’re going to one of the compounds.” Vanessa was in bed with him when she told him. He liked Vanessa. She was still young, though older than Felix. She had a young daughter, Katie, that had her father’s last name and her mother’s eyes. Felix often found himself resting his head on her shoulders late at night, tucked into their private tent. She was motherly, though not to the point he was turned off from pursuing her.

“The compounds don’t exist,” Felix replied, sitting up in their shared sleeping bag. He stretched, and fingered the more recent bite wound he had suffered. Carelessness, once more. “I’ve looked. I’ve been halfway across the country looking for safe places.”

“But this one does exist,” Vanessa told him, sounding so sure and hopeful. Felix often found himself putting on a facade to match her hopeful outlook. He felt like, around her, he had to be someone with a heart of gold or otherwise he would let her down. “We can get there in just a few weeks. There’s doctors there, and we can have them look at your immunity. You could be what engineers a cure, Felix.”

“I don’t want to be responsible for a cure.” Felix eased back onto his forearms, until he could rest against her, and feel the heat of her skin against his own. He didn’t want his own blood to be what cured others when so often he was the jinx that set off the turning of so many others in the past. Everyone he came close to, every person he kissed, every person he loved, shared that love with, ended up turning. Felix sighed, thinking about the past month with Vanessa, and how she had held so strong against his bad luck.

Felix wanted so badly to belong, and whenever he wanted it, it could never continue.

“You don’t want to be the man who saved a planet?” Vanessa teased, laughter punctuating her words.

No, Felix thought, I’d rather be the one to kill it. What was left of the planet, with the exception of small pockets, was dead. It wasn’t worth saving, in his opinion.

“We’re going,” Vanessa told him, “Whether you think it exists or not.”

“Alright, you’re the boss.” Felix let his head rest on the pillow they shared, and curled himself against her body. He wanted to stay like that forever.

* * *

Shooting Vanessa felt like shooting himself in the foot.

They had been walking when she turned, fallen ill from stress they had thought- or morning sickness, Felix had mused before it all went to shit. He had struggled to fight her off, his hands on her face, snapping and biting at air at an attempt to tear through his flesh.  She had taken a bite out of the other two men there before attacking him.The fight to beat her off had taken a more emotional toll than a physical one.

With Vanessa gone, there was nothing left for him to wait for.

He turned his gun, to the other two men. One was bleeding heavily from a bite, the other trying to tend to the wound. Felix dispatched them both with care regardless of being bit, and turned to Vanessa’s daughter. She was crying. He didn’t hesitate pulling the trigger.

There was little time to mourn. His gunshots had attracted the dead of the decaying town close by, and Felix stripped the supplies from his dead group. What little time he was given did nothing but leave a knot of frustration that smoldered and grew in his gut.

Stolen ammo and water tucked away in his pack, Felix left his friends behind.

At least he would have, if fifteen minutes later he hadn’t found a stranger sniffing around the shallow graves of his former partners. He was overcome by something hot in his chest, something angry and willful as he saw the man rifling through Vanessa’s body, looking for supplies.

Felix’s heart thrummed in his chest as he approached the stranger, who was alert and taking a defensive stance. Felix turned his gun on the man, and in turn the stranger raised his hands.

"Put down the gun." The man was approaching slowly, his hands moving until they were palms up, showing Felix he had no weapons. Felix took one step back, keeping distance between them. "I mean no harm. I was only looking for supplies."

Angry drummed behind Felix’s cheeks. All he could think about was this asshole frisking Vanessa’s body for supplies, ammo, food, anything. “Man-” A shuddering breath escaped him as his hands tensed on the gun. “Let the bodies cool down you fucking vulture.” He steadied his hands and straightened his back. “Who are you?”

"My name is Locus. I'm military. I was one of the first wave of relief soldiers after the outbreak." Felix hated the way the man lowered his hands like he were dealing with a frightened animal. Felix didn’t particularly care if he were military, that would probably just have an impact on how much more he annoyed Felix. “You?”

“Felix,” he spat, already bitter. He thought of his father, and then of Vanessa. “Fat lot of good you did when shit started going down. Didn't even kill the fuckers spreading the virus.” Felix sucked in a breath and snorted, “Not that it matters to me.”

Had to keep that edgy distance, whether it was actually there or not.

"I meant only to take what they had left behind."

Anger flushed to Felix’s cheeks and he tried not to pull the trigger. He eyed the pack on the man’s shoulder, the duffle bulging with guns and cans of food. Felix wondered if there was water, too. He kept his mind on track. "You meant to pick 'em clean."

The man glanced at Felix’s gun, and he was sure that he saw a flicker of fear there. He wanted to believe that was what it was, anyway. The man cocked his head and said, "And you are any better?"

The anger was still flourishing in his gut and Felix ached to release it somehow, to give it an outlet. Of course he was better for it he told himself, thinking about the stolen water and ammo in his backpack. He had a right to those supplies, they had been one fifth his in the first place and that meant it may as well have been all his.

Felix clenched a fist against his gun. "At least I knew them."

* * *

“What was the military like?” Felix asked, sitting across the campfire from Locus. Traveling with Locus had been… interesting so far. Locus was resourceful and a survivalist, talked about the disciplinary drills he underwent in basic, the training and the experiences. Despite all those talks, Felix still felt like he hadn’t gotten a straight answer out of Locus.

Locus shook his head, and Felix wondered if this would yet again be a point where Locus just wouldn’t answer. “It’s hard to express what my entire life is to a civilian.”

Frustrated, with no clear answers, Felix groaned and tossed his rations down. “I’m going to sleep.” He let the unspoken ‘you pretentious fuck’ hang in the air.

* * *

“You said you liked to do art.”

The whole interaction had felt like a dream when Felix started sketching, already unleashing weeks of pent up artistic frustration. He thought it was cheesy, so stereotypical, like in the zombie movies when the teenager had a journal to draw in.

But it was liberating.

And Felix was wary, and wondered if Locus might want something from him. Nobody gave up valuable resources just as gifts, not unless they wanted something. Locus may be pretentious and conceited, but Felix knew he was smart. He had looked up at Locus, cautious and hesitant, said, “Like, you’re just giving this to me. Nothing out of it. It’s a gift.”

Felix couldn’t explain the spike of excitement when Locus told him yes, take it, it’s yours.

His artwork was rusty. Weeks of unused skill had build up and his hand cramped and Felix messed up countless times on countless things. He refused to let a single inch of notebook paper go unused- who knew when he’d find another.

Felix glanced up at Locus from across the campfire and smiled as he watched the lines of Locus’ arms, his chest alive with motion, and one loose dreadlock untucked from his hair tie swaying beside his face. Locus pulsed with life and movement. Felix picked out the scars on his cheeks and the dark freckles on his brown skin that barely stood out. He watched the way Locus stared at the fire, the reflection of it in his black eyes.

Locus noticed his stare, and Felix dropped his smile when Locus said, “What?”

Felix dragged the pen along the paper, already scaling out the outline of Locus’ body. “Nothing.”

He always did prefer drawing people over things.

* * *

Ever since the notebook, Felix had put effort into seducing Locus.

It often only worked on women, but Felix wasn’t choosy, Felix loved women and men, and usually anyone he considered attractive. The zombie apocalypse hadn’t exactly stopped his raging hormones, and had contributed quite heavily to his decision to constantly pick up any condoms he found.

Of course, just because he had safety didn’t mean he ever used it.

He hadn’t thought about the ramifications of Locus being so gentle and intimate. He hadn’t thought about Locus promising not to leave him, and he hadn’t thought about why he had begged him to.

Felix laid in the shared sleeping bag, tears still leaking down his face, desperately trying to rub them away. He didn’t want to think of what Locus might think of his emotional outburst. They barely knew one another, barely knew anything about each other, had only just met. A surprised breath pushed from his chest as Locus pushed against his back, arm sliding over his side.

“It’s alright, Felix.”

It wasn’t. But Felix hadn’t had anyone tell him that it was in so long, hadn’t had anyone to hold him and tell him it was going to be okay even when it wasn’t.

“I haven’t been with anyone in a long time,” Locus admitted against his neck. Felix held his breath. “If this seems sudden… It is, but that was something I’ve only done with a few people.”

Felix sat up, pulling away, still red faced. “So what, you think this is special?”

There was a split second where Locus looked shocked, and suddenly Felix regretted his words. He groaned and covered his eyes. “Look, sorry, I… I have a lot of sex. That was weird for me.”

He was about to rise to his feet, to wander off, to escape the intimacy and inevitable awkwardness that would build up between them. He moved to his knees, about to leave, when Locus grasped his wrist.

“Felix. Stay.”

A simple request, Felix thought, simple enough that it didn’t evoke any emotion. When he met Locus’ eyes he heaved a sigh. He slowly resumed his place in the sleeping bag, until he had Locus curled up behind him, arm around his middle.

“Sorry,” he murmured, “It’s just weird for me. Every time I-” he paused, and a shaky breath escaped him. “Every time I get- get involved with someone… bad stuff happens.”

“I can take care of myself.” Locus mouthed kisses along Felix’s freckled shoulders, feeling them rise under his touch. “Your involvement with people is not what hurts them, Felix. The world how it is now… It isn’t kind to mistakes.”

Felix wanted to tell Locus that he was the only common denominator- but it came a point where he didn’t want to argue about it.

"You know what I miss?" Locus rumbled from over his shoulder. Felix felt lips on his collarbone. "Running water."

Felix couldn't help but smile. "I miss hot showers."

* * *

"Do you have anymore water?" Locus asked, rifling through his bag. Felix was tempted to tell him to fuck off, that just because they slept together didn't mean Locus had free reign of his belongings.

“A couple bottles,” Felix said instead, shucking his pack onto the ground for Locus to look through. “You can have one. We need to find some place to scavenge some more water- or find a river or some shit.”

“We don’t have any means to boil the water,” Locus said, already stooping to pull open Felix’s backpack. “I had those gallons of water, but those went fast, between the two of us.”

“I’d rather not lower myself to drinking water that falls out of the fucking sky,” Felix snorted, crossing his arms.

Felix didn’t think about just how ridiculous his words were, until Locus was staring at him. He didn’t acknowledge it, instead moving on to scoping out the immediate area around them. “I think there’s no dead around. We’re pretty deep in the wild.”

“You have cigarettes.”

“What?” Felix turned around, tucking his gun to his side safely. He saw Locus holding the packets of cigarettes he had stolen and hidden in case he needed to trade with someone- back when he bothered to trade for anything instead of just outright taking it. “Yeah?”

“You don’t smoke.”

Felix felt like he was having a conversation with a robot. “Nope. Don’t smoke.”

“I know,” Locus said, “I’m not accusing you. The pack isn’t even opened.”

“Then what are you getting at?” Felix was getting annoyed by Locus’ endless talking that was leading up to what, to him, felt like nothing. “If you want them, then take them. I was keeping them to trade, but I hardly ever actually trade with people.”

Felix paused, wondering if that statement was too much to give, if perhaps that made Locus suspicious of him. Locus didn’t even hesitate,

“I smoke.” Locus was already opening the pack of cigarettes. “Or rather… I used to. I haven’t smoked since the outbreak began, and cigarettes became scarce.”

“I’m sure some of those fancy compounds grow their own tobacco at this point,” Felix snorted, rolling his eyes at the idea.

“The compounds? No, they’re busy growing actual food, and I doubt they would agree to growing something addictive.”

“What?” Felix paused where he stood, clutching his gun. “I was being sarcastic.”

“About what? The compounds?” Locus seemed puzzled by Felix’s words. He already had a box of matches in his hands, lighting up. He didn’t speak until he had deeply inhaled and exhaled through his nose. “Do you not know about the compounds?”

Felix felt like a fool already. He looked around, looking to focus on something other than Locus. “Vanessa was looking for a compound.”

His face burned with embarrassment. He had told Vanessa there was no hope, and that the compounds didn’t exist- that there was no point in going out looking for a ghost town that, even if it had existed, was most likely filled with zombies. He had fought her on this, and now he was wrong.

He was ashamed.

Locus stuck the cigarette between his lips as he opened up his duffle, pulling out a map of the greater area. He laid it out on a stump and pointed to a point on the map that had been circled in fading sharpie. “Here.”

The circled area was up north, and on the map there were marks all over. Red and black, some places crossed out, roads highlighted in neon orange. Felix recognized the circled area as far up as Maine. “It’s here. It’s in a colder area, to protect against the dead. They lose a lot of motor function in the cold, and they’re slower, so it’s easy to defend.”

That was where Vanessa had planned to go. They had made it as far as Philadelphia, before… Felix didn’t dare to dredge up the memory of her drooling face gnashing teeth at him. “And you’ve been there? It’s real?”

“I often return there,” Locus assured him, “They know me. I’m friendly with the man running it. I have trade agreements with them, even. I bring them supplies often, any hunting meat I come across, I train their young scouts and hunters when I’m there, and in return they offer me indefinite lodging.”

Felix was overwhelmed with too many emotions. He was filled with shame, and anger, and mostly relief. Relief that there was someplace safe, and shame that he hadn’t been able to get Vanessa there. “Can we go there?”

“I don’t see why not.” Locus shrugged it off. “We’ve been heading that direction lately anyway.” He looked over the maps again. “There are other compounds, but I’m unfamiliar with them. I know there’s one down south, in Florida, and another far west, in Portland. Much of the midwest is considered unlivable by the people in the compounds. It was too sparsely populated, though many zombies moved inland. I’ve never been outside the US and some of Canada,” Locus admitted, “But I can tell you about a lot of the compounds I’ve been to.”

Felix didn’t think he wanted to know, but he wanted to go there. He was tired of fearing for his life, and killing people, and he wanted to rest in a real bed. “Do they have running water?”

“It’s cold water, but yes,” Locus said, and Felix saw him smile, though he turned his head away. "They have beds, and houses, and electricity, and a greenhouse that grows food year round.”

“You had me at bed,” Felix cut in. “I’m tired, Locus.”

Locus nodded, seeing the deeper meaning under those words. “I know.” He folded up the map and rose to his feet, leaning over to catch Felix in a kiss. Felix didn’t fight it, leaning against his partner. He didn’t want to think about how he had been planning to kill Locus, to rob him, leave him for dead, or just shoot him. He didn’t want to think about how, again, he had let himself go soft on someone.

* * *

The more sex Felix enjoyed, the more paranoid he got. The more he closed himself off from Locus- especially when the symptoms started.

It was always like this. Locus was going to turn, and it was because Felix had lost himself in an apocalyptic romance- again.

And it scared him.

Felix was afraid to lose Locus. He was afraid, because for all of Locus’ pretentious bullshit about being a soldier, how Felix had called him out on being so holier than thou, he was afraid to lose what he felt was his only chance at happiness.

Felix had already lost so many people. He was cursed.

When he drank too much vodka, a new bite on his leg, and Locus fawning over him, he felt weak. He felt weak for loving Locus, and weak that because he loved him, Locus was going to die.

He spilled it all. He cried, telling Locus his plan to kill him, about his father, the bird that he had held in his hands and offered up to his dad, hoping that through his honesty he would be forgiven. He thought of his father, murdered by his own hand, and his chest tightened. “And now you’re going to die- because I love you.” The words were choked in his throat, and Felix was afraid. He was afraid, and he couldn’t think. It was all blurring together, and he was afraid. He was afraid Locus would return his feelings, because that would only assure his fate.

Just before he passed out, turned onto his side, he heard Locus whisper, “I love you too, Felix.”

* * *

Felix thought a lot about Vanessa, in the days Locus grew sicker.

He remembered how she had coughed, like Locus was coughing, though she hid it better. She never made him worry. She never let him think that she was in any danger. He knew Vanessa; she was a strong woman, she could take care of herself.

Locus could take care of himself better than Vanessa could, had military training to back him up, but Felix worried for him more than he had ever worried for Vanessa.

Felix wondered if it had something to do about how, maybe, just maybe, he loved Locus more than Vanessa. He wasn’t sure he could compare them. Vanessa had been a comfort, and someone he confided in. Locus was a warmth in his chest; something he found a luxury now.

He laid awake at night, listening to Locus’ raspy breaths, staring at the back of his neck. He watched Locus’ chest rise, just to insure that he was still breathing. Felix turned away from Locus onto his other side, and tried to remember Vanessa’s smile.

He found, with a heavy heart, he couldn’t conjure it up on demand.

* * *

Felix awoke to the sound of Locus’ ragged breathing, his pained groans that were pulled deep from his aching chest. Felix blinked at the wall from where he was facing away, fear welling up in him. He knew what was coming.

He tried to tell himself he knew what was coming. It was easier that way when he felt hands gripping him too tight and teeth sinking into his shoulder.

Though he screamed, he wasn’t surprised. He had thought, foolishly, that perhaps if he ignored it that maybe this time it wouldn’t happen.

Bleeding heavily, Felix reached for his gun laying beside the sleeping bag; kept close at hand for zombie attacks. He choked back the dark emotions threatening to spill out of his eyes, thinking that it shouldn’t have been there for his partner.

Locus was sinking his teeth into his arm when Felix pulled the trigger.

* * *

Felix buried Locus.

He had to bury him. He couldn’t burn the body, it was a disservice. His chest ached, and he had to move rocks and clay with his hands. Felix thought he should bury Locus with his belongings but he couldn’t bring himself to bury the duffle. He dug through it and found Locus’ satellite phone, the pack of cigarettes he had given him, and countless recording tapes full of Locus’ audio journals.

When he listened to the recording in the tape he choked back a desperate noise, hearing the moans and shouts of their last struggle. Felix closed the recording, and took a pen. He wasn’t sure why he scrawled “DEATH” across the tape. A reminder for himself, perhaps, to make it real.

Felix lit a cigarette in Locus’ honor as he stood over the fresh grave. He stamped six rocks down into the dirt in a square to mark it, and he pulled out Locus’ satellite phone to check the coordinates.

He hadn’t shed a tear yet.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” Felix said, taking the cigarette between his fingers. It tasted stale. He didn’t know how Locus could stand them. “I just-” He choked back words, and closed his eyes. He threaded a hand through his hair, balling up his fist against his forehead.

“I just wanted to love someone who stayed alive.”

That night, the sight of Locus’ dripping maw and hollow eyes haunted him.

* * *

They had found him face down in the snow, hungry and tired. Felix would have liked to say it was all an act, but as soon as they allowed him a bed at the compound he slept for two days.

He heard them outside the room he was bunked in, fading in and out of sleep. A woman, he heard the word “immunity” and Locus’ name. He struggled to sit up, just at the mention of his partner. Ex partner.

When they finally came to bother him, it was a woman. She had her curly hair tied tight behind her head and her skin was the same color as her eyes. Felix didn’t want to say anything when she worked him over physically, asked him to breathe in and out, cough, then flex certain muscles.

“I’m Dr. Grey, by the way,” she said, smiling to him. Her smile was genuine and her brown lips looked soft. “We listened to Locus’ tapes, your name is Felix, yes?”

He nodded, numb at the mention of Locus.

“Locus was a good man,” Grey said, as if Felix needed to be told. “It’s a shame we lost him. You must have been close. He talked about you the most in his final audio journals.”

"I don't want to talk about Locus," Felix said, his voice wavering when he said his partner's name. "What do you want?"

"Right. Straight to business. I need a few vials of blood." Grey was already working on opening the bag she had brought with her. "We think you're immune. We have reason to believe we could market a vaccine with your blood. We know you've been bitten, several times in fact."

"Locus has a big mouth." Had a big mouth. Felix's lip trembled as Grey wrapped a tourniquet around his arm and gave his forearm a smack. He looked away when she pricked him with the needle.

She took six vials, and after slapping a bandaid on him told him that someone would be in to bring him orange juice. "We have plenty to share. It's been a long time since we picked up any stragglers."

Felix didn't listen. He turned back over and went back to sleep; it was the only way he could handle himself.

* * *

Felix milled around the compound most of his days. Grey liked to stop by and ask him questions about his family medical history. He didn't tell lies. He couldn't find it in him to lie.

"Felix. I have something important to tell you." She caught him when he was doing push-ups in his bunk. He couldn't sleep anymore, and the best way to expend his energy was to work himself into the ground.

"What? I'm busy." Felix didn't want to talk about the tests she had run. All he could think about was Vanessa and how she had talked about him being immune.

"You're not immune."

That got his attention.

Felix rose to his feet and rubbed at the healing bite on his arm; the perfect memento from his partner. "What?"

"This might be distressing-" Grey paused to pull out some visual aids. "See- this. This is a close up of infected blood. We pulled it from a fresh zombie. These are the mutations in the cells, see?" She walked him through the picture and he wanted more than anything to tell her to shut up. He didn't. "And this is your blood."

The pictures were identical.

"I'm not a zombie."

"I know, Felix." The way Grey said his name made his blood boil. It was impersonal, in only that way a doctor could be. "You're not a zombie, but you're infected."

"How?" Felix's palms were sweaty and his breathing came out shaky. He had a bad feeling. It felt like dread, knotted up in his gut.

"In history there have been viruses that manifest in people's bodies without killing the host. This is for reproductive reasons. These hosts can spread the virus easily because while infected, they show no signs of infection." Grey pulled her papers together and took a deep breath, exhaling loud. "We ran it to be sure, Felix. You tested positive for the virus."

"What does this mean?" Felix was trying to stay calm. He was trying to think of anything to rationalize the explanation he knew was coming.

"It means, Felix, that you've-" she hesitated, "You've been infecting others since the first time you were bitten. Anyone who's spent prolonged time with you, been exposed to your saliva, your blood, your semen... They were infected through you."

Felix held his head in his hands. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to think. Everything had come crashing down around him and all he could think was-

_Why do you kill everything you touch, Felix?_

 


End file.
